Thursday, January 18, 2007


Do you ever surprise yourself?

Something happens and you react and mentally you’re surprised at how you reacted. Or you say something in a public situation that sounds absolutely brilliant and profound and everyone around you is nodding or commenting about how right you are. Or you happen across something you wrote, a piece of art or a craft project that you made and you surprise yourself with how amazing it actually came out and think that you couldn’t possibly have written that, painted that, created that…“the symbolism, the color, the flow…did that really come from me?”

I’ve been having these moments. I was reading a book and I was relating to someone about how much of a social commentary this book was, how it could be related to the “invade and assimilate” tactic of British rule in Africa and India which directly links to how the US is doing relatively the same thing in Iraq. And an intelligent conversation ensued. In my head I was thinking, “Whoa! Where’d that come from? I actually sounded like I knew what I was talking about!” Color me surprised.

I was at a friend’s house this past weekend and in her room there are a few little things that I painted on the walls, things that I painted forever and ever ago. One was a very small scene of a winter tree with moonlight behind it, the other were apothecary jars and bottles. She used to have her dresser sitting in that corner and I painted the jars to look like they were sitting on the dresser (now they look like they’re floating in space), but it surprised me how much attention to detail I paid, the reflections of light, the depth and design of the bottles…it reminded me that there were so many things that I once knew but have since forgotten.

And this isn’t all; I’ve been running across so many things. Things I wrote a hundred million years ago (it seems), quilt tops I’ve made but never backed, pictures I’ve drawn and hidden away. It’s like the Universe is bombarding me with things that creatively make sense or show me that when I take my time and get into my Zen space that I can create and create well.

These little surprises are making me feel overwhelmed in a way, though. They are testaments to my ability when I get all doubty and encouragement when I need it, but they’re giving me the itch to create…All. The. Time. And I’m finding it so hard to motivate myself to focus on one thing. I want to do so much, but the Zen space in my head is just beyond my grasp at the moment. On top of that, I’ve received a few magazines in the mail that have so many ideas that I want to try (let’s heap on more things that have me itching to create). I’m trying to be good, I’m trying to focus. I’m trying my hand at a quilted floor covering that will eventually be a gift for a friend, but I stare at it and think of so many other things that I want to do and then I get resentful of the little tiny batik squares (that used to be swatches) that I have to sew together to make strips, then sew the strips together to make the background. I think I just need to slow down and not force myself onto any one project. Maybe I just need to start a bunch of different projects and float with my mood.

I can’t wait to get my studio space up and running. Unfortunately, it has to wait until the new bedroom is rewired, sheet rocked, painted and carpeted for me to move in there and turn my existing bedroom into my “Creative Space” (and there may be some rewiring going on this weekend, if I can convince my Dad to come for a visit!) It’s slow going, but I’m diligent in my renovations, but like my creative moods, my renovating moods come and go too. I think I need to do a little meditating and get back in balance. That always helps! And despite this lack of balance, I’m not in a bad mood or feeling lost. Strangely, I feel very happy, fairly organized, just a little out of focus. How weird is that?
Anyhoo, have a fabulous Thursday, my friends! I hope everything is in balance for you.

1 comment:

gracia said...

Sounds like the best kind of surprise to me... here's to it staying around!
take care, g xo