Hail August, Keeper of the Sun

"August rushes by like desert rainfall,
A flood of frenzied upheaval,
Expected,
But still catching me unprepared.
Like a matchflame
Bursting on the scene,
Heat and haze of crimson sunsets.
Like a dream
Of moon and dark barely recalled,
A moment,
Shadows caught in a blink.
Like a quick kiss;
One wishes for more
But it suddenly turns to leave,
Dragging summer away."
~ Elizabeth Maua Taylor

It's only the 1st and I'm already feeling like the days are piling up, so much is happening, so much is planned and there's no time to take a breath, to just sit and enjoy.

I know there is time and I know that I have had many moments of sitting and enjoying this summer, but it's August now. Suddenly there is so much to do; there are trips to be made to camps and shower gifts to be finished and plays to attend and...and there's still so much on that summer wish list!

I still want to steal a Friday and wander around Portland with Juli, I still want to make summery treats and go to the beach just once and create that fire pit in the yard that I probably won't use until fall and really get that backyard in shape (though my brother is all over that - he's done so much out there. I'll have to take some pictures!)...oh and I want to fix the screens on my porch so I can sleep out there on those unbearably hot August nights (I'm terribly jealous of Cathy and my boss & her husband with their outdoor/porch beds).

Here's to making time to do all those things I want to do, spending time with friends and really enjoying myself. I want to look back at this summer and say, "Wow - what a great summer", not "Oh, I wish I'd done this or this or that."

Happy weekend, all!

summer: yaaaayyyy!!! and booooo!

summer and i have a love/hate relationship. i love the gardening and the swimming and long walks in the mornings before the day gets too muggy or at night after dark when it has started to cool down. i don't like the annual "trying on of the bathing suit" or the "hmmm, what actually does still fit from last summer?" as the inevitable answer seems to be "nothing". it's very discouraging!

i tried on bathing suits last night and had to bite my tongue from screaming, "oh my god!" in the dressing room. i did not cry, i'm very proud of myself, but i did vow not to put on a bathing suit again...ever! and knowing that won't happen, because i like to swim, i vowed to go to the gym.

there is no reason i shouldn't go to the gym; it's free where i work. i've just been lazy and made excuses. no more excuses!! and no more beating myself up! i'm normally a very positive person, just self-critical (but who isn't, really?). but no more!! every day i will wake up and find as many positive things about myself as i can! because i am beautiful! and, to quote my friend jenn carpenter, "i love me enough for everyone!" (of course her's followed with, "so you can all piss off now!" but that was because we were teasing her).

bring on the summer sun!

sun & moon sculpture by my brother derek

oh so NOT with it!

sleepy. oh so very sleepy. i didn't get out of work until 11:30 - a 15 & 1/2 hour day. yuck. i'm back at work now, working on 5 & 1/2 hours of sleep and we're preparing for another 15, 16, 17 or more hour day! This long holiday weekend cannot come too soon.

So i've been thinking of all the things that i want to do this summer and being the queen of lists, i've started a mental list (much like the mind maps). This is what I've got thus far:

• bake more - especially bread and cookies and strawberry rhubarb pie
• rip down the wall in mum and dad's old bedroom, then insulate, sheet rock and paint it pale pale sage (there is going to be a lot of green in my house!)
• paint the upstairs hallway and mural the downstairs hall
• clean out the ugly, rednecky backyard and make it pretty!
• put up fencing so my little doggie doo can play in her backyard without running freely about the neighborhood!
• create a garden, outdoor sanctuary in the backyard, complete with fire pit and tiki torches
• get dear brother derek to make metal fire pit
• swim at the lake as much as possible
• go for more road trips and explore portions of maine that, despite living here forever, i have yet to visit
• learn to make clothes
• dye my own fabric
• clean off the porch and return it to the sacred space it once was

oh how i miss lounging on my screen porch on the futon, the gentle summer breeze blowing through, reading a book, drinking ice tea. it was pure relaxation. now the porch is home to a whole bunch of stuff packed in boxes. the futon mattress is at the lake and even then alex wants to trade me his bunk beds for it. he's 14 now and, like me at that age, has a penchant for changing, rearranging and switching out furniture in his bedroom. he likes the idea of being able to turn the futon into a couch. and being the loving aunt that i am, i told him okay, besides once the bed is out of mum & dad's old room, i was moving the futon up there anyway...and i was really dreading that! he hasn't mention it to his dad yet, though. we'll have to see (my sister's cool with it, it's just the hubby we have to run it past).

i think the porch is this weekend's project (nothing like getting a head start on the summer list). i'm craving my porch space and cringe every time i look at it. piled high with boxes, remnants of potting season and the futon frame. it's not a big porch but i really would like to be able to sit at my little table on warm mornings and eat my breakfast or cool evenings with my dinner. since the futon will be going, i also have an old papsan chair (from the late days of high school) that i can stick out there. tallulah will be pleased, it was her favorite chair in my old apartment when she was a kitten. somewhere i have picts of her as a baby. she's 7 now (or will be in july). i bet once it's set up, sadie will claim it (if she can get into it). she and tal will fight over it. they are much like little kids! tally has a catseat attached to a window in the living room and sadie sits on the back of the couch and looks out another window in the living room, but lately tal's been sitting in sadie's spot and i think it's on purpose! sadie gets so mad - she whines and barks at the cat and looks at me like, "mumma, she's sitting in my seat! do something!!!" eventually she gets up on the couch, the cat (who is 30 lbs lighter than the dog) hisses and swats and does her version of running away (which is waddling as fast as her fat butt can waddle).

• oh, make more smoothies!
• learn to make fruit leather in the dehydrator
• read...lots! catch up on guilty pleasures robert b. parkers and jim butchers and charlaine harris and maryjanice davidson (it's kind of funny, for all the "literature" i read at university, i am all for the paperback sci-fi, fantasy and detective novels - they are total escapism for me. and though i love hemingway, his simple depiction of extraordinary lives in places i've never been...his characters just don't hold my attention like spencer & hawk, harry dresden or anita blake!)
• take sadie swimming at tyler pond more often

if i think of more things (which i will), i'll be sure to list them!