Wednesday, November 19, 2008

FRIG*ID or How I Wish I’d Brought a Hat or How Sometimes a Break is Good

All working titles for this post…couldn’t decide which to use.
I spent some time catching up on blogs that used to be daily reads for me and realized just how much time has passed and how much I’ve missed. Not just in the lives of the bloggers I read, but in the little I’ve had to say in my two month sporadic hiatus here on Mt. Vernon Street. I’m trying to wrap my brain around just where the last two months went. I mean, between campaign stuff and job stuff, yeah, I kinda know where my last two months went, but thinking back on it…it’s all a little fuzzy.
As I read about others creative endeavors, I realized that though I’ve made a few things, the crafty side of my brain hasn’t been in it – things in my creative world have felt mechanical. There was no passion; there was only assembly line production. When I picked up my camera only moments ago and saw the last pictures I took, I realized just when the last time I used my camera was (has it really been a month?). How could I have let myself get so swept up in non-crafty things – I succumbed to the demons of politics and the evil spirits of jobless thoughts. And when I went calm…I also went blank. I didn’t feel the fear, but at the same time, I didn’t feel anything. As I read those blogs, I began to feel the itch to create slide up my spine, down my arms and into my fingers. A gauze of fabric palettes has been pulled down over my eyes making me see patterns wherever I look. And when I became overwhelmed with the need to get back to creating, I stepped outside, where a sharp blast of frigid air slapped me in the face and made me wish I’d grabbed a hat. But that wind cleared the cobwebs and made me see that, indeed, winter is coming. The leaves are gone. Snow is coming. And its time to stop sleep walking through my days in calm-masked fear of being without a job…waiting…waiting to make plans (I’m still holding off on Christmas shopping until I know what my finances look like). There is nothing stopping me from planning my next quilt, finding the joy in finishing that quilt that I started making unpassionately; there is nothing stopping me from drawing and painting and cooking and creating! (On that note, I need peacock feathers, don't ask why - as soon as it's complete, I'll do a show and tell - but I must remember to pick up peacock feathers...and glue...and glitter).
Maybe this break from the norm was necessary…to jump start me…to make me realize that I cannot take for granted all those things that I’ve relied upon, gotten comfortable with, because everything is transient and sometimes I forget that.

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