Ugh

I don’t know why I do this to myself; I get these grandiose plans in my head of all the great things I’m going to make and bake for people for Christmas and then it comes down to crunch time and I lose all sense of where I am, what I’m doing and I don’t take anytime to just enjoy myself.

I’ve started culling through the Bloglines list of unread posts (78 left to go!) and catching up with everyone’s lives, art, etc. and I feel…scattered; like I should be doing so much more and so much less at the same time. I squirrel myself away in my house and putter without getting anything done it seems, rather than completing a task that has a deadline (Christmas). The worst part is that I really don’t have much to do; it’s just that I can’t seem to focus (hence scattered). I’m watching the time tick past, rather than actually occupying it with something fruitful.

When I feel frustrated like this, because I’m not getting the things done that I want done in the timeframe that I want, writing down those frustrations helps. Clears my head, helps me get things in order, like my lists. Right now I have several going: the list of domestic chores (vacuum, dishes, laundry, decorate the tree), the list of fabric things to be made (quilts, headbandanas, fabric sacks, rice bags), the grocery list (sugar, flour, milk, eggs, etc. etc.), the baking list (sugar cookies, rice crispy houses, best ever candy cookie bars), the list of times and dates and locations of the coming holiday events (Dec. 6 = Hanukkah party at Deb’s, Dec. 11 = Marcia’s 50th, Dec. 20 = potluck staff holiday party at Michael’s).

I need to get organized. I think that may be the root of my scatteredness. I feel like I’m living amid a pile of things; Christmas decoration boxes, unpainted shelves, UFP (UnFinished Projects) and too much cluttery crap that I don’t use. I feel like I need to pare down, you know, get rid of that crap that I don’t use…hey this sounds familiar…oh wait, that’s because I ranted about this last December – feeling scattered, needing to organize, needing to declutter my house and my life – did I declutter? Uh…no. What is my problem with letting things go? With really organizing? With finishing projects? Am I that attention deficit? Can sentimental reasons alone save a vase that I’ve never used from the Goodwill pile? Honestly?

Well, thanks for listening. Oh, before I leave you…on a completely unrelated (but musical) note: I’m falling in love with the voice Nathan Rogers. He is the son of Canadian folk singer, Stan Rogers and he just has that voice, a mirror to Stan Rogers but all his own at the same time. A little rough and grumbly, but sweetly evocative. Give a listen, if you’re so inclined.

Randomness

If you hadn't noticed - I've been cameraless for about 4 days now and I'm having withdrawals. I'm seeing things everywhere, reaching for the camera only to remember...it's at home, currently battery-less and I just haven't had the time to pick some up.

Nor have I had the time to send out my postcards for the autumn swap, despite the fact that they have stamps on them!

Nor did I take the time on Tuesday to post a happy happy 32 to this guy...

He looks a bit maniacal in this photo, but that's just par for the course with John and he will always be 1 year, 1 month and 9 days older than me.

:^)

Gotta Short Little Span of Attention

they say goldfish have no memory

i guess their lives are much like mine

the little plastic castle is a surprise every time

it's hard to say if they are happy

but they don't seem much to mind

~ Little Plastic Castles by Ani Difranco

That's me today...Little Ms. "Oh Look, A Butterfly" - that's what my ex used to call me when I had my short attention span moments because I'd jump from random topic to random topic and expect him to keep up. I think the only one whose ever really been able to keep up is my friend Juli, because she's the same way.

Juliana and I met in the 7th grade. My mother had made Pizza Bread for some celebration in homeroom and Juli asked me for the recipe (which I don’t think I ended up giving her until I was well into University – what a bad friend I am!) and that’s what got us talking. But, even though we hung out in homeroom, we had different classes and a different group of friends. When high school started, we had classes together and realized we had a lot in common, but we still didn’t really hang out with each other outside of school.

In 1992, the summer before our sophomore year, I get this call out of the blue, saying “You’ve got to help me!” – no “hello, is Tiffany there?”, no “it’s Juli, how are you?” and I have no clue who the hell this person is begging me for help! Then she says, “My brother actually has a friend and he’s here and they’re driving me nuts – you have to come over here and save me!!” We ended up talking on the phone forever and made plans to go see Wayne’s World. And thus began the friendship that has lasted these 15 years.

When we were in high school, we used to forge our mothers’ signature on notes so we could skip out of school early. I think we both had a study hall at the end of certain days – and I was horribly bored with school…always (I had “senioritis” starting my freshman year and it only got worse by the time I reached my senior year)! We would walk to my house (until Ju got her license), heat up frozen chicken fettuccini and watch movies with guys we had crushes on.

So on Friday, in honor of our anniversary, I made chicken fettuccini (so much better than the frozen crap!), picked up an ice cream cake and watched Beowulf & Grendel (bad movie – I don’t recommend it, but Gerard Butler did look scruffy good) and to get that bad movie taste out of our mouths, we watched season one episodes of The Office.

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Cathy’s Pizza Bread

1 loaf of bread dough (doesn’t need to be pizza dough. My ma uses frozen bread dough; I save out a little of the dough I use when I’m making loaves of bread)
Your favorite sauce
Mozzarella Cheese
Parmesan Cheese
Favorite Pizza Toppings
Olive Oil
A Cookie Sheet or a Baking Stone (I prefer the stone, it just makes the dough cook more thoroughly)
1 egg, whisked

Preheat your oven to 375°F. Oil your cookie sheet or stone (just a little, not a lot).

Roll out your bread dough in a rough rectangle. Pour your fav. sauce down the center of your dough rectangle, covering as much or as little of the dough as you like (some people like very saucy pizza – like me) but leave an inch or so of clean dough on one side down the length of your rectangle. Spread the mozzarella cheese and parm over the sauce (I sometimes throw a little cheddar into it and my pizzas to add a different flavor – I know others who use every cheese under the sun, but those are my favs). Layer your toppings over the cheese, but don’t pile them. Roll the long side of your dough like a jelly roll and press that long edge to seal it, creating a seam down your rectangle. Put the pizza bread on your cookie sheet/stone, seam side down. Brush entire thing with a bit of the egg (gives it a nice glossy, golden sheen). Bake it at 375°F for 18-25 minutes or until light golden brown (a little longer w/ the stone - you just have to keep an eye on it). Let it stand for about 5 minutes or so and cut widthwise into slices.

When it’s hot out of the oven, I serve it with cold pizza sauce for dipping. If it’s the next day, I eat it cold w/ warmed pizza sauce. Mum makes this for most holidays and every year for the Christmas party where my Dad works (and the one year she didn’t make it, man did my Dad ever hear about it from his co-workers…for like weeks after! That next year, for a month, his coworkers would come up to him and ask, “Cathy’s making pizza bread this year, right?”)

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I hope these directions make sense; this is an impromptu recipe, ingrained in my head from making it so often, so there are no measurements. I think this year I’m going to experiment with a barbequed chicken pizza bread, substituting the pizza sauce w/ a sweet BBQ sauce and throw grilled chicken on it. Mmmmmm, barbequed chicken pizza – *drooool*. The thought came from the To. Die. For. barbequed chicken pizza that my brother brought me the other day from a place called Joshua’s in Brunswick, Maine. Major drool factor with that pizza!

Tonight is another movie night with Juliana (we try to do this at least once a week). She said that she’s taking care of the movie and dinner and they’re both a surprise. Yea for surprises!

Enjoy your Wednesday all!

Autumn Hath Reared Its Chilly Head

I'm feeling very scattered this week (and it's only Wednesday - not a good sign)

I feel like there's so much to do and not enough time...but I know that's not true. It's only mid-August, but I've got all these lists going; on my kitchen chalkboard, on random slips of paper, listed on the calendar in my purse, in my head. I just feel like I can't keep anything straight; I can't focus and I'm not listening to anyone. I start to listen when they talk to me and suddenly I realize that I've zoned off and haven't heard a word they've said.

I feel like a kid who just realized that school starts next week, that summer's over and there's so much that I didn't do that I wanted to do. This isn't unusual for me this time of year, though. I go through that "Autumn Expectation" period every year. It just feels like it has crept up on me sooner this year, but rereading my August 24th post from last year shows that it really hasn't. I think it creeps up on me because I'm not paying attention and it sends me into a confused whirlwind. It's 44 °F during Sadie and my morning walk; it creeps into the 70's during the day with a brisk, autumn breeze; then BAM!!! it drops like a rock in the evening and suddenly I'm thinking, "WAIT! I didn't go swimming enough! I didn't do enough gardening! I didn't sit on the porch and read practically at all. I didn't barbeque enough. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

I, of course, realize that this is a complete lie. I've already looked back to see all the things I did this summer (thank you dear blog o' mine!). Okay, so maybe there weren't enough barbeque's and maybe I didn't jump in the Lake enough, but it's Fall! Crisp cool nights made for walking in wooly sweaters, pulling fabric together for quilting, get that fire pit crackling for a leisurely sit down and marshmallow roast, baking...mmmmm....baking - breads and pies and cookies. Ooooh, making stews and soups and hot cider. There is nothing better than sitting on porch in Autumn, wrapped in a quilt with a cup of homemade chicken noodle soup (big chunks of chicken and carrots and potatoes and celery, wide wheat noodles *drooooool*) and a good book, something that's set in the Fall so you really get the full effect.

I think just by verbalizing it, by putting a name to my problem, I can fix it. My scatteriness starts sliding away and the lists are starting to come together with a time line. I have a plan now and even if that plan falls through, I'll be okay with it.

Okay, my rambling is done. I apologize for my random, all-over-the-place thoughts, but I think I just needed to get them out of my head to get rid of this unfocused feeling. I really think I'm ready to say farewell to summer and hellooooo to fall!

Random Show and Tell

I love coming home to fun mail! In the box yesterday, I found my August Button of the Month buttons - Sail Away. The picts a bit fuzzy - I couldn't get it any clearer. And handmade grapefruit shea butter and gingergrass/honey/beeswax soap, ordered from Amisha's etsy shop, Bijou! Can I tell you just how much I love this stuff? I mean totally in love with the Grapefruit! Amisha is a soap-making Goddess!
I have been itching to dye some fabric, only I was out of one of the needed ingredients to create the chemical water that I use for the dye bath. What I didn't realize was that all along, there had been a big 5 gallon bucket, half full of chemical water, under my kitchen table (I thought the bucket was empty, until I moved it). I was doing the happy happy dance of joy! I mixed up a little cobalt blue (that always turns denim color - I really don't like it and I always forget that - so I dumped some red into it and made a lovely raspberry color that fades out to a funky pink), some emerald green and this lovely, lovely turquoise!
Oh, I was so pleased with this! It's going to be the backing of a "foot-pocket lap quilt" that I'm making for my friend Fran. Actually, I have plans to make 4 of them. The idea is that the end of the quilt will be flipped up and sewn in place (pre-binding, with either flannel or fleece on the inside of the pocket) and when my friends are sitting on the couch or at their computers (three of them are hard-core gamers), they can slide their feet into the pocket, pull the quilt over their lap and have toasty toes and legs.

(I really love these two fabrics together!)
This is the plan for Juli's quilt
The fabric is cut, but I realized that I didn't buy enough, that I should have gone with at least another quarter yard of each one (oops).
But I pulled these ones out of my stash, so rather than go back to the store, try to find all 6 fabrics that I randomly picked up (and all 6 of the ones I found for Maddie's), I figured I'd use what I already had - that's the whole reason for a "stash," right?
And I had to show you Monster Plant. Marcia gave me this plant. Her 90 year old mother-in-law received this when she was in the hospital a few years back. It was tiny and cute and she had repotted it 3 times since she got it (Marcia told me that her in-laws have green hands not just thumbs!). But her mother-in-law said that it was just getting too big for her to handle and she had to give it up. It is now happily sitting on my porch, providing Tallulah with her own private jungle from which she can hide behind and spy on the neighborhood.
And here ends my random show and tell for Friday.

Enjoy your weekend - my family and I are heading to Freeport tomorrow night for a free concert of my most favorite Newfoundland band, Great Big Sea. If you're in the area, it's happening right at L.L.Bean's Discovery Park!

Doin' the Happy Happy Dance of Joy

Well, it might be a premature "Happy Happy Dance of Joy", since the final vote hasn't been made but I'm doing it anyway!!

I STILL HAVE A JOB (at least that's the concensus)!!!

Yippee!!

Leadership was chosen and my boss is still President...well Democratic Presidental Nominee to be exact. On December 6th, the whole Senate will vote...but the D's have the majority and so long as all the little duckies stay in their row, my job will be secure for the next 2 years. This session we will also have a wicked, kick-ass Majority Leader - she is so incredible smart and sweet and, as she puts it, "Tenacious as all get out!" She's just one of those people that you really enjoy working with because she appreciates everything you do (you don't mind going out of your way to do things for her!).

And another happy "work" note, this is a 2 day work week for me! Ingenious girl that I am, I took Wednesday off to help my mother prepare for Thanksgiving (and with my job, Friday's part of the holiday. WHOO HOO!)

Oh...and you know how I was complaining about the weird weather? We're back to normal November temps. It was 32 when I walked the dog this morning and I loved every minute of it. In a month, when it's 32 with a wind chill factor of -20...I'll be complaining again. That's just how I am, I've come to accept it! Now I want snow. I love snow up until February, then I want spring! In my perfect world, spring would start at the beginning of March, summer at the end of May, Fall - September 1st and Winter - the week of Thanksgiving! And for the week before Christmas, it would snow every day...not a lot, just enough to make it pretty and clean and white! That would be the weather forecast in my perfect world (I love those Walgreen commercials where they show the town of Perfect. Have you seen those? You can see one here and here, for those who don't have Walgreens Pharmacies or their commercials. They're described as Tim Burton-esque and I find that very befitting!

Well enough randomness for one day. Until tomorrow, happiness abounds my friends, happiness all around!

A Week of Intentions

I know we all compose blog posts in our heads (come on now, admit it, you do, too!) but that seems all I have done this week, compose these great blog posts in my head and when I finally get a free moment to post...*poof*...gone! Or I think, "Oh, I can write about...wait, no I haven't taken the pictures yet...oh but...nope, no pictures of that either." It's very sad!

This week's "What I Learned Wednesday" was going to be all about negative space - did I take pictures of what I drew? No. And Wednesday was such a hectic day that I gave up ever trying to type what I learned, how much fun I had, how much more I need to practice and how the teacher thinks I'm too detail oriented (since when is that a bad thing?)

I finished a fairy this week and actually took pictures of her. Did I upload them to Flickr? No.

I've almost finished the Imp that Juli and Maddie requested - haven't taken pictures of him.

I've been making little snowmen and christmas tree ornaments for the December craft fair - nope, didn't take pictures of those yet, either.

There's the mail that I sent out to dear Shari - well, no I can't blog about that until she gets it. Then I can post the pictures that I did remember to take!

There were even more treasures rescued from the bowels of the garage top that could have been photographed but weren't.

It seems like a million things have happened this week: I ordered new glasses that are much funkier than the ones I currently wear, my vehicle conundrums, the new sewing machine I bought for my mother for Christmas, today being Melissa's last day here at work (*sniff, sniff* I'm really going to miss her - not that I can't just go to her house for visits, but it's not the same as having her right upstairs and seeing her everyday!) All these great and wonderful and not so wonderful things I could blog have blogged about...but I didn't.

So I'm ending this week of unfullfilled intentions with a post about what I coulda, shoulda, and woulda done, but didn't.

How boring is that?

Next week will be better. I'll have a picture taking weekend and start writing down those random, mentally composed blog posts or better yet - I'll start carrying my little tape recorder with me! If I had a cell phone, I'd leave myself messages, but I don't. I'm probably one of the few people in the world who doesn't have one permanently attached to my hand (gave it up almost a year ago - wasn't worth the cost).

Have a happy and productive weekend, everyone and next week I will be more organized!